Thoughts In The Dark
by Stony Knight
Summary: Tag for 13.18... After Dean's explosion over Gabriel's departure, Sam is left alone with his thoughts. One-shot.


**Story Title:** Thoughts in the Dark

 **A/N:** It's been a long time since I wrote and posted anything to this site. I've had trouble finding the motivation to write during the last couple of years. Hopefully a little feedback will help restore that lost motivation.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own any part of Supernatural…

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Sam hovered in the hallway, hesitating outside the door to his bedroom. Dean had retired about an hour ago, having calmed down enough to take a shower and allow Cas to heal his wounds. Cas had stayed for only a little while after Dean's door had clicked shut. There had been a finality to the sound that halted both angel and brother in their tracks despite their intense desire to apologize again to the older Winchester. They had assumed Dean would succeed in his mission to bring back Jack and Mary. The thought that the rift would need to be opened for a fourth time had never crossed their minds.

And now Gabriel was gone.

Sam finally moved to slip into his bedroom. He didn't bother to flick on the lights. He just wanted to collapse on his bed and let the darkness hide him. His chest refused to expand with his breaths, and his throat constricted every time he tried to swallow. Heat saturated his eyes, but he refused to cry. Tears wouldn't rescue Jack or his mother. Tears never helped. They never brought anyone back or stopped them from leaving. He had learned that from Dean a long time ago.

And now Gabriel was gone, and with him, Sam's hope had fled too.

The darkness was complete around him. No windows let in star- or moonlight. No alarm clock glared the time into the room with angry red or blue numbers. Even the crack beneath the door was dark, Sam having kicked his jeans and t-shirt against it after shedding them and allowing the clothing to drop to the floor.

Sam released a quiet sigh. The darkness would hide him now. No one would see his tears or hear his hitched breaths if he let them come. Dean had locked himself away in his own room, and Cas had gone to track down Gabriel. If no one saw them, then Sam's tears could no longer be misconstrued as a plea to stay or a plea for help. No one was listening anyway.

Gabriel had gone.

In the darkness, Sam felt himself start to slip. In the quiet and the black, his vulnerabilities gained strength and tried to overwhelm him. He still felt the guilt of his past mistakes, the taint of demon's blood in his mouth, the madness induced by his time in the Cage. He still felt the condemnation of the angels whom he had met shortly after Cas had raised Dean from Hell. He still felt the blood on his hands from when Gadreel had killed while in possession of his body. Sometimes he even had to stop himself from flinching away from Cas despite knowing Lucifer no longer possessed the other angel's vessel. Sam's throat constricted and he buried a sob in his pillow.

Gabriel was gone again, and that, too, was Sam's fault.

"Pornstars, Sammy. They were pornstars."

Sam gasped when he felt a gentle hand caress his hair. He glanced up to see two points of glowing blue light above him.

"Gabriel?" he whispered.

He could hear the answering smirk. "Don't give up yet, Gigantor. It's not your style."

A soft click in the darkness indicated that Gabriel had placed something on his nightstand, but the archangel gave no hints as to what it was.

"Tell your brother's angel to lay off my tail next time you see him, hmm? I'll see ya around, Sammy, so try to cheer up. Otherwise I might decide to have a little fun, 'cause watching you mope isn't."

The sound of wings told him that the archangel had left once again. Sam reached over to turn on his bedside lamp, curious as to what Gabriel had left him. He let out an exasperated groan when the light revealed a _Casa Erotica_ DVD.

"This one better not include any images of your naked ass, Gabriel!"

Sam turned out the light again and flopped onto his back, allowing sleep to claim him as darkness covered him once more.

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 **End A/N:** So this was my first Supernatural fic. Feedback is highly appreciated, especially since I'm trying to get back into a writing routine. Notes on what can use improvement is just as important as general feedback.

Thanks for reading! – Stony Knight


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